Wrapping up my summer in 500 words is possible however, it won’t fully represent how I feel about it. This summer already feels overwhelming.Trying to figure out my life is frustrating. I feel both physically and mentally exhausted. I haven’t had a break to myself. Right when school ended in May I began working the next week. I was going to work 20 hours a week at the El Cerrito Recreation Department but just this week my time got cut back to 18.5 hours because I have to adjust my schedule to our new intern’s; our time has to overlap so I can teach him the skills he’ll need to accomplish the tasks I was once responsible for as an intern. This will be the second intern that I will help mentor from EC STARS, which is pretty cool!
I want to accomplish so much this summer but I feel like I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself. For some reason I think it’s what’s best for me right now. I need to create discipline in my life to create a sense of stability and drive. In a sense I’m developing a goal. It may feel like my world is going all over the place but I’m holding on.
I want to work on myself this summer and not have to worry of what others believe is best for me. I want to shut those who bring negativity in my life out. It may sound selfish, but I’ve always put others before myself and I think I’ve reached a point where I can’t do that all the time. What about me? I need to learn to care for myself and learn to appreciate myself. That way I can live a happier life in which I can feel like everything is going to be okay not just once in awhile but every day.
I guess I’m doing all of this to grow as a person and to mature more. I want to be self-sufficient. I want to learn how to drive. I want to continue to bike 8 miles a day. I want to be who I’m meant to be. I want to keep the friendships I’ve made this past school year close to me. I want to do so much but most importantly I want to find myself and learn to truly love myself. Then I’ll be able to love those around me how they truly should be loved. It’s time for some soul searching.