I was not exactly having the time of my life this past week due to the amount of stress that finals has put on me. I have been too caught up with school to reflect on what I had experienced this school year. Two semesters felt like two years. I had obstacles thrown at me from every direction. Some I dodged, some I tackled. I would like to think that due to what I have been through, I was forced to mature faster than I was meant to during my first year in college.
I had my fair share of anxiety attacks, breakdowns, and revaluations. I had troubles looking for someone or something to remind me what I needed to do and how I should be doing it. I lost myself for a bit and it took a while for me to get to where I am now. I may have fallen back in school but I managed to snap out of it and get work done.
I took a loss but I still tried my best on my final exams. It lead to other obstacles such as having my financial rewards taken away, however, I am currently handling the situation. This was eye-opening. As part of the process of getting back on my feet with my academics, I had spent more time on learning how to better my time management and financing. This should help me for the upcoming term. I plan on becoming a better scholar and continue to pick myself up no matter what the obstacle is.
I believe my first semester in college was a time to test my limits to prepare myself for the next four years. I did not realize this until now. I tested many different limits last term; from how much work load I can handle, how many anxiety attacks I can handle from my boyfriend and family, how many parties I can attend before I let it get in the way of my school work, how much popcorn I can eat before I start throwing it up, and how low my GPA can get before I decide to wake up.
I never believed in “learning from mistakes” because what if you were destined to keep failing? I’m not saying I was but it’s starting to seem like I am, at least that is how my mom makes me feel. I found out a few things about myself last term that I didn’t already know. I didn’t know how much pressure my family can put on me and drive me crazy. I didn’t know that I could ever do this bad in school. I also didn’t know that I can snap out of my bad behavior and get on track with my school work.
I spent most of my high school career to match up with my smart friends when it came to grades. I was the dumb one in my circle of friends but I manage to pair up with them and graduate high school as an honor student. I’d like to think that I barely made it for “senioritis” caught on to me during my last year. I had a pretty effective work ethic that got me through the “easiest part of my life”. I just wish I brought those work ethics with me and used it during my first year in college.
Here I am, under academic probation because my GPA was not satisfactory. I am now suffering the consequences such as not being able to get into my major next semester. However, I am not letting this affect me more than it should. It should not make me feel like anything but motivated. Film is what I’ve always wanted my career to be and it’s going to happen no matter how much the struggle will be. I have already been doing so much better in all my current classes, work-wise and attendance-wise. I’d like to prove everyone who had no faith in me. After all, success is the best revenge.